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Two of British's finest snipers:
(Radio) Target confirmations are ostrich and grizzly bear.
-Ostrich and grizzly bear are the targets.
The bear is down. Repeat, the bear is down. I got the bear.
-I think that's a wookie. That's a wookie.
No, it's not, it's a bear.
-Is a wookie a bear, control?
(Radio) The bear target has changed. Target bear is now target Honey Monster.
Is a honey monster a bear?
-A honey monster is not a bear.
A honey monster is a bear. The honey monster is down. He was a target. He was a bear.
(Radio) The honey monster is down?
-The honey monster is not down, control. We have a wookie down.
What's a wookie? A bear. It's a bear!
- No, it is a wookie. You've just shot it as a bear.
Is a wookie a bear?
- It's a bear. Repeat, it's a bear.
The wookie is down.
-The wookie is not the target.
Well, it must be the target. I just shot it.
- How often do you go to mosque?
When I can. Most weeks. Friday prayers. Once a year is too often. The mosques have lost it, brother. They're full of losers and spies. These are real bad times, bro. Islam is cracking up. We got women talking back. We got people playing stringed instruments. It's the end of days.
Today you felt our exploding sword
in your fat oppressor stomachs, man.
We're the muslimeen
and we're making terrible scenes
Now you wanna know
what the boom-boom means?
It's like Tupac said:
"When I die, I ain't dead
"Fight and be slain,
die with no pain
Got shaheed in my heed,
for my creed I daheed
We are the martyrs,
you'sjust smashed tomatoes
Now we've got...
Waj: Bro? What were that?
Hassan: For my creed, I daheed
Waj: What's "daheed", though?
Hassan: Died. Daheed, died. Daheed.
Waj: That's bollocks, man. You're rhyming doolally. That's clear, man.
It's life, isn't it? It's just life. What is that? It's nothing. It's like being stuck in the queue at Alton Towers. Do you want to be in the queues or do you want to be on the rides? You want to be on the rides, don't you? You want to be on Nemesis, Oblivion. Rubber Dinghy Rapids.
You think we're all bombers, don't you?
- That is absolutely...No, no, no.
When you look at someone like me, you think "bomber", right? Yeah, you do.
- That is not the case.
Why shouldn't I be a bomber if you treat me like one?
- Frog him in the back.
- Omar, we agreed, no frogging.
Today is an opportunity for you to look in the mirror at western imperialist culture. Superficial materialism ends at the capitalist church of McDonald's. Flipping idiots. It's as though you just had a Big Mac, completely oblivious to the amount...Complete flipping idiots. You could've gone Chicken Cottage, proper halal, bargain bucket £6.99.
The runner Matt:
Ran 23K on the weekend. 6K Saturday morning. Had a light lunch: Snack-a-Jacks and a medium apple. 5K in the afternoon, cos obviously it was after lunch, so... Same again Sunday. Although in the afternoon I only did 4K cos I'd had a roast. Would've gone further, you know, but I started to run a bit lopsided. I'm not slagging my right leg off, but my left leg is definitely stronger. I think lefty just wants it more, you know. Right leg's bone idle. He'll just wait there, let lefty pick up the slack. Before you know it, you're running in curves. I'm going to have to put my foot down, you know. Really show him who's boss. Yeah. Know what I mean?
All right, let's get one thing straight. Omar Khan had nothing to do with this. Cos I knew him and I worked with him. Did you know he was actually working for Ml5? Cos he told me that himself.
"We shot the right man; but the wrong man exploded."
Omar: Did you fix this then, Barry?
Barry: Yes, I fixed it!
Omar: Did ya?
Barry: It's the parts... they're Jewish.
Omar: What parts in a car are Jewish?
Fessal: Spark plugs.
Barry: Spark plugs! Jews invented spark plugs to control global traffic.
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